Uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare ni inzira y'imyitwarire ishobora guhinduka, ntabwo ari indwara, bityo nta cyo kwirinda kandi hari byinshi byo gukora. Kubikuramo bisaba intambwe eshatu zihamye: tangaza imyitwarire imwe yo gutabara, usubike icyemezo cyawe cyihuse cyo kwemera, kandi ufate umurongo umwe nkuko ubivuze igihe bitewe. Niba hari ugukoresha, iterabwoba cyangwa urugomo, ibyo ni ubwicanyi, kandi umutekano uza mbere.
TL;DR: Ibikubiyemo by'ingenzi
- Nta kodi ya DSM-5 cyangwa ICD ibaho kuri iyi nzira, bityo intego ni uguhindura imyitwarire, ntabwo ari kwirinda.
- Icyerekana ni icyaha n'ubwoba mugihe witaho ibyawe bisanzwe, ntabwo ari impaka zikunze kubaho.
- Kugenzura, iterabwoba cyangwa urugomo bivuze ubwicanyi: hamagara 911 cyangwa 800-799-7233, ntabwo ari intambwe ya mbere mu rutonde rw'ubufasha bw'ibanze.
- Imvugo ihindura intego. Subiramo ijambo rimwe, ntacyongere, hanyuma uva mu cyumba.
- Tegereza ibyumweru kugeza amezi, kandi wite ku kuzamuka kw'ibibazo mbere yo kworoherwa.
Uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare nta kodi ya diagose, ibi byerekana ko ibyo urimo kugerageza gukosora bifatwa mu buryo butandukanye
Uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare ni inzira y'ubunyamwuga, ntabwo ari diagose ya psychologique. Nta kwinjira muri DSM-5 cyangwa ICD-10/11, bityo nta muntu uzi kuvura ashobora kuyibonera diagose yemewe. Abashakashatsi bayisobanura nk'ibitambo by'akomeye by'ubugororotsi, kwita cyane kubandi bantu, kwiyumvamo ibyiyumvo bidashyitse, no kugerageza kenshi kugenzura cyangwa gukosora abandi. Ibyo biterwa akamaro mu buryo bworoshye: intego ni uguhindura imyitwarire, ntabwo ari kwirinda.
Iri jambo ryavuye mu kwitegereza kwa kliniki ku bagize umuryango babana n'abantu bakoresha ibiyobyabwenge nabi, kandi ryakomeje kuko ryagaragazaga ikintu cy'ukuri. Ubushakashatsi bugipima mu bice aho kuba urutonde rumwe. Icapa rya Spann-Fischer, igikoresho cy'ubushakashatsi gikoreshwa cyane, kigabanywa mu nzego eshatu: uruhare rw'inyuma rw'ikigenzura, kubura kwerekana ibyiyumvo by'umwimerere, n'ubugome cyangwa kwifuza gahunda mu munyubaki bw'ubunyamwuga.
Isano imwe mbere yuko ikindi kintu. Niba imiterere y'ibintu irimo kugenzura, kwihishira, iterabwoba cyangwa urugomo, ibyo ni ubwicanyi, kandi gahunda y'umutekano isimbura burundu imirimo yo kwishyira hamwe.
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Yego, abagabo na bo bafite iki kibazo. Ikibazo kiri mu bushakashatsi bwibanda cyane ku bagore; nk'uko byagaragaye muri ibi bice bibiri, imwe yafashe abagore 371 abandi 140, bitewe n'uko abashakashatsi bakundaga kwibanda ku ngo bafite ibibazo by'ubusinzi. Mu mibereho yabo ya buri munsi, ibi bimenyetso by'imyitwarire byo kwigomwa abandi usanga ari bimwe, uretse ko ku bagabo bikunze kugaragarira mu kwiyahura mu kazi cyangwa gushaka gukemura ibibazo by'abandi mu buryo bukabije aho kwita ku bantu imbonankubone.
Oya. Kugira impungenge mu mibanire (anxious attachment) ni ukwitega ko abandi batagira ikizere cyo kuba hafi yawe. Naho gushaka guhaza abandi (people-pleasing) ni akamenyero gakwirakwira no ku bantu utazi. Iyi myitwarire yo kwishingikiriza ku bandi (codependency) yo irihariye kandi yibanda ku muntu umwe: umunezero wawe n'uko wumva umeze biba bishingiye ku muntu umwe, ukagerageza kugenzura ibyo akora. Akenshi ibi bintu bitatu birajyana, kandi abantu benshi bashobora kubisangira bose.
Ibyerekana by'ukuri by'uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare ni icyaha n'ubwoba, ntabwo ari intonganya
Ibyerekana by'uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare ntabwo ari impaka zikomeye. Ni icyaha n'ubwoba. Ibyerekana imyitwarire ya Cleveland Clinic birakwiriye gusuzumwa mu bwije:
- Uyumva ugomba gutabara cyangwa gukosora undi muntu, mu by'amafaranga cyangwa mu by'ubwenge.
- Kwita ku gitsure, kuva hanze nimugoroba, gufunga urugi, gusinzira, bitera icyaha.
- Uyumva ufite impungenge mugihe utumvise kuri bo igihe kirekire.
- Kwiyicarira byumvikana nk'akababaro kuruta kuruhuka.
- Imyitwarire yabo mibi irazamuka cyane mugihe ushyizeho umurongo mwiza.
Iyo nyuma ifite amakuru menshi. Indwara, stress n'amahirwe mabi ntibisubiza ku mirongo yawe; inzira ihindura. Ibyo biterwa nk'inzira mugihe ari gahunda yawe mu gihe cy'amezi, ntabwo ari igihe kimwe cyo gutakaza akazi, kubyara mushya cyangwa kubaga umuvandimwe. Igiciro kirakomeye: mu ubushakashatsi bwakozwe ku bagore 371 bakoreshejwe igikoresho cy'ububabare bwa Codependency Assessment Tool n'urupapuro rw'ibimenyetso bya SCL-90-R, amanota yo hejuru hamwe n'icyitegererezo cy'uburyo bw'ubwihurizo bwigitangaje byagaragaye cyane n'ububabare bwinshi bwo mu bwenge, harimo impungenge n'agahinda. Niba impungenge nshya, kudashobora gusinzira cyangwa kwihebura ari byo byakuzaniye hano, August AI Symptom Checker yatuma wamenya uko ibimenyetso byawe bifatwa, nubwo atari ikizamini cy'iyi nzira.
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Mubisanzwe ntibiba ari byiza. Ni byiza kubanza kwivuza wenyine (therapy y'umuntu ku giti cye), kuko igice ushobora guhindura ari icyo ku giti cyawe. Gusohokana n'uwo mwashakanye mu kiganiro n'umujyanama mu by'ubuzima bwo mu mutwe hakiri kare bishobora gutuma umwe muri mwe uzi kuvuga cyane akomeza kukugenzura cyangwa akaguca intege imbere y'umuhanga. Mutege amatwi umujyanama mu by'imibanire iyo wamaze kumenya guhagarara ku cyemezo cyawe mu gihe cy'ibyumweru bicye utahinduye icyerekezo.
Rimwe na rimwe bifasha, ariko ni ubufasha bwo guhuza abantu bafite ibibazo bimeze kimwe, si ubuvuzi bw'inzobere. Iyo nama ni ubuntu, kandi ifasha mu kugabanya kwiheba no kumva ko uri wenyine. Gusa ntibagira uburyo bwo gusuzuma indwara, gutegura gahunda y'ivurwa, cyangwa kugira abafite ubushobozi bwo kuvura ibibazo bikomeye nk'agahinda gakabije, ubusinzi cyangwa ubwoba budashira. Niyo mpamvu ari byiza kubikoresha nk'inyunganizi ku buvuzi bw'inzobere, si nk'igisimbura ubuvuzi.
Niba hari ugukoresha, iterabwoba, cyangwa urugomo, ni ubwicanyi, kandi imirimo yo kwishyira hamwe ntabwo ari igikoresho gikwiye
Imirimo yo kwishyira hamwe isaba abantu babiri bahuza mu buryo bwiza. Ubwicanyi siko bimeze.
Hamagara 911 cyangwa jya mu cyumba cy'ubutabazi none niba:
- Watewe, wahitswe cyangwa wagize icyago gikomeye, cyangwa intwaro yakoreshejwe cyangwa yagaragaye.
- Wowe, abana bawe cyangwa inyamaswa zawe batereshejwe.
- Ubusambanyi bwakorewe cyangwa bwakoreshejwe ku ngufu.
- Uyumva utatekereje mu rugo, cyangwa wumva ugenda kubera ubwoba.
Ibiro by'ishami ry'ubuzima bw'abagore ku mugore bishyiraho ibimenyetso biburira ko umubano wageze ku rwego rw'ubwicanyi, harimo kugenzura ibikorwa byawe n'itumanaho, kwishyira mu kwihishira ku bantu b'umuryango n'inshuti, no kwangiza ibikoresho. Amabwiriza yayo ya mbere ni National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (800-799-7233), TDD 800-787-3224. Ni ubuntu, bidafite ubwihisho, bifitwe 24/7, kandi abantu bashubiza babafasha kubaka gahunda y'umutekano.
Baza igihe mu gihe cy'icyumweru gikurikira niba: impungenge zawe, kudashobora gusinzira, ibimenyetso byo kwigunga cyangwa inzoga byiyongereye hamwe n'umubano. August's $39 online urgent care visit iguhamagarira umuganga wemewe muri Amerika ushobora gusuzuma ibimenyetso nk'ibimenyetso by'ubwoba, kudashobora gusinzira cyangwa kwigunga kandi ugakoresha imiti niba babona ko bikwiriye; ntabwo bushobora gutanga ubuvuzi bwakoreshwa ku bantu babiri, kwigisha kw'akomeza cyangwa gahunda y'umutekano.
Vugana n'umuganga mbere yuko utangira niba:
- Hari ikoreshwa ry'ibiyobyabwenge mu rugo.
- Umwe mu bashakanye akoresha amagambo yo kwiyahura nk'uburyo bwo kwiyongera mugihe cy'impaka.
- Ufite amateka maremare yo gutangaza imirongo no kuyigarura mugihe cy'impaka.
Cleveland Clinic ihambiranya kimwe: rimwe na rimwe umubano uhinduka ububi mu mubiri cyangwa mu magambo, inama ihagarara kuba guha imirongo no kuvura kandi iba gutanga ubutabazi bwihuse no kugenda.
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Mubisanzwe siko biba bimeze. Kubwira uwo muntu ko afite iyo myitwarire bishobora gutuma mutangira gushyamirana ku kintu udashobora gutsindira kandi kitanakubereye ngombwa. Ahubwo, hindura imyitwarire yawe ubureke abone impinduka. Niba hari icyo ushaka kuvuga, ube umuntu wihariye: vuga ibyo uzemera n'ibyo utazemera guhera ubu, n'igihe ubonera umwanya. Icya mbere: kwishingikiriza ku bandi ni imyitwarire wimenyereza kureka, si indwara uvura. Fata icyemezo ku kintu kimwe, gerageza kutihutira gufasha abandi, vuga ijambo rimwe ryateguwe kandi ugerageze kuryubahiriza. Ibyo bitwara amezi. Niba hari ihohoterwa cyangwa guhatirwa gukora ibintu, hamagara nimero y'ubutabazi. Icyitonderwa: Iyi nyandiko igamije gutanga amakuru gusa, ntiyagombye gufatwa nk'inama z'ubuvuzi bw'inzobere. Buri gihe ushake umujyanama cyangwa muganga ubyemerewe kugira ngo aguhe inama n'ubuvuzi nyabwo. Niba ufite ikibazo cy'ubuzima giteye ubwoba, hamagara nimero z'ubutabazi bwihuse.
Kwita ku muntu urwaye koko ntabwo ari inzira imwe
Kumenya uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare vs interdependance bifatwa nk'ingenzi cyane niba urimo kwita ku babyeyi barwaye indwara yo mu mutwe cyangwa ku bashakanye bagiye gukoresha chemothérapy kandi batangiye kwibaza kuri wowe. Koresha iki kizamini. Kwita ku murwayi by'ukuri guhuza n'ibyo umuntu arwaye koko n'uruhare rwemewe: imiti, gahunda, guhindura, amafunguro. Inzira y'ikibazo ihindura ikindi kintu, ubwoba bwawe bw'ibyo bazakora n'icyo ukeneye gutabazwa.
Interdependance ifite ibyerekana byayo. Abantu bombi bashobora kwanga gusaba, gusaba ubufasha, no kwirinda inshuti zihamye, amafaranga n'amasezerano nta kibi babigizemo.
Hanyuma koresha ikizamini cy'ibyo bintu. Indwara ntikomeye kuko wadashoboye kujya hanze nijoro; umuntu uyobora imyitwarire akenshi abikora. Kunaniwe kw'uwita ku murwayi bikeneye kuruhuka, ubufasha bwa tekinike n'gahunda y'ubuvuzi yanditse, ntabwo ari label.
Ibyateje iyi nzira: kubana n'ubwiyahure byongera amahirwe ariko ntibyemeza
Icyateje uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare ni igice cy'ibintu bibaho n'igice cy'imyumvire. Mu ubushakashatsi bwakozwe ku bagore 140, abagore b'abagabo bafite ikibazo cyo gukoresha ibiyobyabwenge bagize amanota menshi kuri Spann-Fischer scale kuruta abagore b'abagabo badakoresha ibiyobyabwenge, 55.7 kuruta 51.0 (p<0.05).
Abo bagore ntibahuzaga, ariko. Imiterere y'umuntu yagize uruhare mu guhindura abantu bashobora kwibasirwa: neurotism yo hejuru, kudafunguka cyane, kudahuza cyane. Ntabwo buri mushakanye w'umuntu ufite ikibazo cyo gukoresha ibiyobyabwenge yateje ikibazo, kandi ubushakashatsi ntibwemeza ko ariko bimeze.
Inkomoko ni isobanuro, ntabwo ari uguhindura imico yawe. Nanone ntacyo bitwaye kugirango uhindure ibyo uzakora saa mbili za mugitondo, ibyo nibyo bikubiyemo.
Nigute wava kubaho nk'umuntu ufite ububabare: ingendo eshanu, mu gihe gikwiye
Kwiga nigute uzakira nk'umuntu ufite ububabare bikora neza nk'urukurikirane kuruta urutonde rw'ubugwaneza, kuko buri ntambwe ikora igikurikira kwihanganira.
- Tangaza imyitwarire imwe, ntabwo ari ubuzima. "Kwishyura ibyo telefoni ye" cyangwa "guhangara buri gihe saa mbili za mugitondo." Ntabwo ari "mfite uburenganzira." Labels zo mu buzima ntishobora gukorwa.
- Shyiraho gusubikwa. Ntube wihangayikishijwe cyangwa utabara ku busabe bwa mbere. Wihereye isaha 24 mbere yuko wemera ikintu icyo ari cyo cyose.
- Shyiraho umurongo umwe, mu magambo nyayo. Andika ijambo mbere yuko ubyifuza: "Ntabwo mbishoboye gutanga amafaranga uyu kwezi. Ndashobora kuganira nawe ku cyumweru tugasesengura imari." Kwanga rimwe, ikindi gisubizo kigenze, ntakindi gisobanuro.
- Gira icyumweru gikurikira iminota 60. Igihe icyaha cy'umutima cyangwa kwiyongera bizaho, wihagaze ijambo rimwe. Ntube wasobanura, uhindura cyangwa wongere ibindi bipimo, kuko buri kintu gishya ni ikindi kintu cyo kwigana. Hanyuma sobanura kandi uva mu cyumba. Kwemeza munsi y'icyaha byigisha inzira ko igitutu gikora, kandi imirongo ikurikira izakuguramo incuro ebyiri.
- Subiramo gahunda imwe yihariye utazakwirakwiza. Inyigisho isanzwe, inshuti y'icyumweru, gahunda yawe y'ubuvuzi.
Ubuvuzi ni ikindi gikoresho cya gatandatu kandi ni bwo bukomeye cyane. Tangira n'ubuvuzi bw'umuntu ku giti cye, aho umurimo uba uwawe, hanyuma wongere ubuvuzi bw'abashakanye cyangwa umuryango aho bikwiye, mu gihe kirekire nk'uko Cleveland Clinic yisaba. Hagati y'ibiganiro, porogaramu y'inshuti z'ubuzima nka August AI irashobora kugufasha kwandika ibyo wavuze, ibyabaye, n'ibibazo bikwiriye kubazwa umuvuzi wawe. Ni icyongerwa, ntabwo gikurikira ubuvuzi.
Umubano w'uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare uhinduka mu mezi, ntabwo mu biganiro, kandi gusubira inyuma ni ibisanzwe
Umubano w'uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare uhinduka mu byumweru kugeza mu mezi yo kwigana kenshi, ntabwo mu kiganiro kimwe cy'ukuri. Wite ku gukaza kw'ibibazo by'abandi mbere yuko byorohera. Iyo kwiyongera mugihe umurongo utagaragaye ni ikimenyetso cy'uko Cleveland Clinic ivuga, kandi ni uko sisitemu ikora mugihe igikoresho gisanzwe cyahagarara gukora.
Dore ibyo urupapuro rwinshi ruzakubwira: igikorwa neza, ibyumweru byambere birakunda kuba bibi kuruta mbere yuko utangira, kandi uzatsindwa nibura rimwe.
Igihe ubyakoze, gahunda yo gusubira ni ngufi. Tangaza igikorwa cy'ikinyarwanda ("Ndarwishyuye nongeye"), wirinde kwiyita label, wongere uvuge ijambo rimwe ku gihe gikurikira, kandi wigane gahunda imwe y'ibyawe. Mu gihe cy'amezi atatu gukoresha neza ufite ubufasha bw'umuvuzi kandi nta kintu cyahindutse, subiramo umubano ubwawo aho kugira ngo wihangane ku byawe. Urashobora guhindura igice cyawe gusa. Imibano imwe irarangira, kandi iyo ntabwo ari gusubira inyuma mu kwikiza. Icyo kintu kimwe, gikoreshwa ku bushake: kwiyongera gutera iterabwoba cyangwa imbaraga ntabwo ari igitutu cyo kwihanganira.
Ibazo bijyanye n'ikunzwe
Abagabo bashobora kuba uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare, cyangwa iyi ni inzira y'abagore cyane?
Yego, abagabo bashobora. Urutonde rw'ibimenyetso rusoje aho kuba inzira ubwayo: ubushakashatsi bwose buvugwa hano bwakorewe ku bagore gusa, abagore 371 mu bumwe n'abagore 140 mu bundi, byerekana abashakashatsi bakusanyije mu ngo zifite ibibazo byo gukoresha ibiyobyabwenge. Mu rwego rwa kliniki, imyitwarire imeze kimwe mu bagabo, nubwo bakoresha cyane ku kazi cyangwa bakora ibibazo byinshi aho kuba abafasha baboneka.
Uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare ni ubw'imitekerereze ihangayitse cyangwa kwishimisha abandi?
Oya. Imiterere yo mu mutwe ihangayitse ivuga ko kwegera bidashobora kwizera. Kwishimisha abandi ni ingeso igaragara no ku bantu utazi n'abantu baza gusura. Iyi nzira ni ngufi kandi ifitanye isano n'umubano umwe: kumva kwawe ko byagenze neza binyuze ku bikorwa by'umuntu runaka, kandi ugahindura imyitwarire yabo. Bya bitatu bikunze guhuza, kandi abantu benshi bafite byose.
Umugore nanjye dukwiye gutangira n'ubuvuzi bw'abashakanye?
Mubisanzwe oya. Ubuvuzi bw'umuntu ku giti cye mbere ni ubwiza, kuko igice cyawe gusa ushobora guhindura ni ukwisubiramo kwawe, kandi igice cy'abashakanye mu gihe gikwiye gishobora kuba ahantu umuntu ushobora kumenya akubwira ko umuganga afite kubwizana ku buryo bushobora kumenyera abakoresha. Shyiramo abashakanye cyangwa umuryango umaze kuba wobashyira hamwe ku mwanya w'icyumweru utawugarukira.
Ese Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) ibarwa nk'ubuvuzi?
Rimwe na rimwe bifasha, ariko ni ubufasha bw'ikingi, ntabwo ari ubuvuzi bwa kliniki. Inama ni ubuntu, zihari hose, kandi zikomeye cyane ku kwishyira mu kwihishira no ku kibazo cy'" ndi njyenyine gusa". Ntibirimo gusuzuma, gahunda y'ubuvuzi, cyangwa umuntu ubifitiye ububasha bwo guhangana n'impungenge zikomeye, ubwumvikane cyangwa inzoga. Koresha hamwe n'umuganga aho kugira ngo usimbure.
Nzakubwira undi muntu ko numva ko umubano wacu ari uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare?
Mubisanzwe oya. Gutangaza label bitera impaka zo niba label ari nyayo, ari byo biganiro udashobora gutsinda kandi utagomba kugirana. Hindura imyitwarire kandi ureke ibimenyetso bikaba biboneka. Niba ushaka kuvuga ikintu, kigire impamvu nyayo: ibyo uzakora n'ibyo utazakora kuva ubu, n'igihe uzaba ufite.
Iby'ingenzi: Uburenganzira bw'umuntu ufite ububabare ni inzira wihagarika ukoresheje, ntabwo ari indwara wikiza. Tangaza imyitwarire imwe, usubike ubutabazi, vuga ijambo rimwe ryateguwe kandi wihagaze rimwe munsi y'igitutu, kandi wigane gahunda imwe yawe. Mu gihe cy'amezi. Niba hari ugukoresha cyangwa urugomo, hamagara nimero yumufasha ahubwo.
Ibihuza: Ingingo iri ni igitangazwa cy'amakuru gusa kandi ntibigomba kuba inama z'ubuvuzi. Jya uhamagara umuganga ufitiye ububasha kugirango usuzume kandi uhindure ibipimo. Niba ufite ikibazo gikomeye cy'ubuvuzi, hamagara 911 cyangwa jya mu cyumba cy'ubutabazi bwihuse.
